Barbershop

Overheard while getting a haircut ...

"Now I got more hair grow'n out my ears then on top of my head"

Love Handles

Wrapped in a towel, infront of the mirror, putting in my contacts, reality quickly came into focus. Oh no, not the graying temples, or the patch of gray hair on my chest. Something even more sinister.

Love Handles! Plain as day...the morning light giving them a healthy glow. It popped out of my mouth before I realized it, Loudly I declared "I'm not in love with you! Love Handles begone!" I laughed at the outburst and glanced back with the tiny hope my love handles left willingly. Alas, they still cling to me.

As I shaved, I wondered how they got their name? What possessed someone to call them love handles? I giggled at the dirty thoughts that danced in my head. As the saucey images faded like the disco beats of yesteryear, I found no logical explanation to marry "love" and "handle".

Then, memories of being a chubby kid flooded my head (God love the baggage of childhood) and my adult-onset vanity set in. I smiled at myself and started my new mantra ...

"Love Handles begone!"

I've always heard, a mantra-a-day will keep the love handles away!

Oh okay, I'm eventually gonna eat smaller meals and get off my butt to exercise. In the meantime, I continue with the mantra ...

"Love Handles begone!"

Bubble Boys

He says I keep them in a bubble
Why would he say that?
They run about the house

He says I keep them in a bubble
He is so wrong?
“Go slow on the stairs boys”

He says I keep them in a bubble
Why does he think that?
“Don’t jump off the bed boys”

He says I keep them in a bubble
Umm … Such a silly statement?
“HEY! Don’t eat that”

He says I keep them in a bubble
Errr … How absurd?
We have to get back to walk them now

I keep them in a bubble
What am I thinking?
I just want them safe

I keep them in a bubble
So very true
I love them so

Everything is Manicured

Living in the Stepford like community has it's advantages. Low crime, clean streets, a kick butt recycling program, and "manicured" is used to describe both lawns and residents.

Our mail carrier delivered a neighbors piece of mail to us by mistake. I'm in shock at the moment and not because it is trashy porn. It's just a catalog; mind you, not your everyday clothing, housewares, or decor catalog.

Oh no, we are talking about the November 2005 edition of the Paula Young catalog. Some of you may be wondering, who or what Paula Young is and why is this guy wasting my time?!?

Paula Young, if you must know, is "America's Natural Choice for Beautiful Hair". Hair care products? Oh no, even better, wigs, and plenty of them. Glamorous gals, made up and decked out in the sexy fashions with hot new "hairdos".

Every page is more amazing than the next. I was especially captivated by the real hair wigs and simple steps to finding your correct head size.

I now know one dirty little secret to a perfectly manicured resident. The most important question, "Will my new wig be shipped in discrete, plain brown packaging?"

Restaurant Check Out

While waiting to pay my lunch check, I overheard this little ditty:

Ederly Patron (EP): "It's my birthday today."
Cashier: "That's great, Happy Birthday!"
EP: "Thank you so much, I turned 72."
Cashier: "Wow, I would have guessed younger than that."
Ederly Patron's Wife (EPW): "Love, show her what I gave you."
EP: Face flushes red
EPW: "Honey, show her"
EP: Lifts his left arm and pulls up his sleeve to reveal a shiny new watch.
Me: "Ooh, that's a very cool watch"
EPW: "It's a Rolex darling."
Cashier: "I saw that"
Me: "Oh"
EP: Turns a deeper shade of red
Cashier: "Have a great birthday"
EP and EPW: Head out the door
Me: "My birthday is next week."
Cashier: "You getting a Rolex too?"
Me: I chuckle ... "I'll be happy with a nice dinner."
Cashier: "Happy early Birthday"

I walked out and on my way to post office pondered that exchange. When I think I don't have anything in common with most of the residents of Lake Forest, I just have to remember, eventhough my gift is not a Rolex, whatever it is, my gift will come with just as much pride and love.

Innocence

A five year old girl bursts out of the restaurant bathroom shouting "Daddy, Daddy, I went peepee on the toilet!" (repeated twice more with increased excitement and pride).

Mom turned a lovely shade of red as fellow dinners looked up in disgust. I chuckled at the reactions and smiled at the show of childhood innocence.

Oh the Burn

I tossed aside my usual casual shoes for my trip downtown today. While hoofing it to the train, I could feel the blisters form. A few blocks later, I could feel the burn! Sensible footwear from now on.

Long Lost Beverage

Glorious Tab

At the local lunch hangout
Nose in a book
I lift my head

It caught my eye
That shade of red
Like no other


Transfixed, wondering to myself
I thought it dead
below the Mason Dixon Line

I watched her lift it
To her lips and
Take a sip

Her eyes twinkled
Cheeks flush with pleasure
She took another

Then I saw the warning label
Danger saccharine ...
Does she know her pleasure has a cost?

Back to my book
She looks so happy
Why would she care?

Possessed Pussy

I'm not sure what has gotten into our pussy cat, Sheleata Kanoftuna? Ever since the Northern Migration earlier this year, he has changed. I'm not sure if it is the new climate, housing or just middle age.

He has transformed from an aloof feline to a fun loving lap cat. So in need of a lap, it is starting to drive everyone a bit crazy. Much of my clothing has a never ending supply of cat hair, the dogs are getting jealous and even Tim has been mumbling I pay more attention to the pussy then him.

Perhaps it's just a phase? In the meantime, I indulge Sheleata with extra attention and give myself a once over with the lint brush before I walk out the door.